Saturday, May 12, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
Our Sunshine is 8
On May 7th, 2004 at 8:16am, you came into our lives and changed us forever. Now, we cannot imagine what life would be without you, nor would we ever want to. Today we celebrate 8 years with the love of our lives, our reason for existence. Our Jayden.
We were smitten from the moment we laid eyes on you, held you, and smelled your sweet skin. As parents, there has never been a moment where we felt that we needed "a break" or "alone time" from you. We have always loved, loved, loved every second we get to spend with you, still do, and always will.
As a baby, you would sleep between us. Every morning felt like Christmas and you were the present under the tree. I would wake up every morning, instantly opening my eyes. Filled with a sense of excitement and anticipation. I would check for you, make sure that you were not just a wonderful dream. And every morning, there you were - the best present ever and a dream come true. Your favorite place to sleep was on your baba's chest (this was baba's favorite place for you to sleep too). When nothing else could soothe your crying, this always did the trick.
Jayden, you are such a great human being. We are constantly being praised by others about what a wonderful person you are (in fact, there has been numerous requests of a "How to" book). You know, there has not been one moment that we have questioned ourselves as parents. We are so proud - proud of you and proud of us. You have turned out to be the most perfect child (of course, we may be just a little biased) but we could not ask for more. When mama and baba were told that we may not be able to have any more children, we were okay with that because we had you. You who filled our hearts in every way possible.
A few reasons out of infinity why we love you:
Not only are you such a trend setter, you love to make your friends laugh & you've always been a little nutty
You've always had the cutest giggles...
(don't worry, your way with cats got much better)
Your love of music from an early age
You are so easy-going
(Here shows your love of baths, no matter where they were)
You've always been a snuggle bear
Part of the dynamic comedy duo of Baba and J
I love that there is no waking up on the wrong side of the bed for you. Every morning you wake up happy. Even taking you to the bathroom in the middle of the night (when you are a zombie), you will tell us you love us. Thank you for melting our hearts all the time.
When you were 3 year old, you preferred to be called, "J.J. Maddox Sweetie-Pie Marriott only, and nothing else, funny-bug, Old Billy Goat lover". This is the way you would introduce yourself to new friends (saying it as fast as an auctioneer) and then you would sadly say that your new friends cannot seem to remember your name.
So, Happy Birthday J.J. Maddox Sweetie-Pie Marriott only, and nothing else, funny-bug, Old Billy Goat lover! Thank you for coming into our lives. We now know the true feeling of unconditional love.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
5 Year Milestone!
Today, marks the first day of the rest of my life - I officially end my 5 year post-cancer treatment! No daily pills to swallow, no more painful monthly injections, and chemotherapy is becoming a distant memory. Today my external sun shines more brightly than ever - I have fought a long hard battle and I emerge victorious and transformed. I am forever grateful; grateful for second chances, grateful for health, grateful for my friends, grateful for my family - grateful for my life.
My parents who put their wonderful retirement lives on hold to come live with us for 7 months in a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. They took care of the house, cooked meals, did housework, and watched Jayden so we could concentrate on doctor appointments, tests, and treatment. We were so grateful to have them. We could never have gotten through it without them. They showed us what the true meaning of family really was. We will forever be indebted to them.
My cousin Jeff, who provided constant love and support. Coming to visit, flying from the other side of the world not once but twice during my treatment. He rallied behind me and never had any doubt that I would get through it. Jeff was there when I needed him most. I will always love him like a brother.
My girlfriends from Canada (Joanna, Wendy, Shannon) - who sent the touching care package; with letters, words of encouragement, cards, artwork, gifts, home made cookies, and my most cherished necklace. They reminded me how loved I was, what I was fighting for and most importantly to never, never, never give up.
My extended family - who checked in constantly and those who sent money to help out with the cost of treatment (not necessary but truly appreciated). I know it was difficult for them being so far away but they were never far from our hearts.
Our friends, Adam and Erin, who always knew what to say or not what to say. One of the few friends we felt we could truly be ourselves around. Very special thanks to Erin, when she heard that I had my mastectomy surgery scheduled for Halloween and that I would miss my son's first trick-or-treating. She arranged for Halloween to come early for us by asking their neighbors (none of them who knew us) to host a private Halloween trick-or-treating just for us. That night will always be one of our most memorable. Not only were we able experience Jayden's first trick-or-treating but we were also able to leave behind our burdens. That night, we forgot about cancer and just enjoyed ourselves as a family. We were so touched by this gesture, such a testament to what great friends they are.
My whole team of support at Stanford Hospital and especially my oncologist, Ellie (Dr.G), who fought along side of me - my savior. Who we will always regard not only as a friend but as family.
The little boy at St.Jude's that lost his battle to cancer. His story touched me and changed my life. A little boy, (only a little older than Jay at the time) was battling brain cancer. His parents prayed for chemo-therapy (where I ungratefully disdained it). His parents were grateful for chemotherapy because it bought them more time from the inevitable. He was such a brave little boy, who could still find the beauty of life and brought happiness and light to those around him. Apparently the little boy passed away 6 months after they filmed the program. Both Chris and I cried so hard. If this little boy could endure his ordeal with such peacefulness and grace, I must be able to find the strength to endure my last round of chemo. This program couldn't have come at a better time. I was beaten down, ready to give up. This boy's story gave me new resolve to fight and to appreciate everyday.
My cancer sister, Fei-Fei. We met at the clinic, surrounded by patients our mother's age, we being young, were drawn to each other. We were both Chinese, born in the same year one month apart, she had a daughter the same age as Jayden. She was so sweet and kind. We would meet up at the hospital if we had clinic on the same days. She gave me a bear and a card to celebrate my last session of chemotherapy. It was nice to know someone going through something similar with similar backgrounds. She passed away November 2010. I cry for her daughter without a mother. It will be a constant reminder to hug my Jayden extra tight. Fei-Fei, I will miss you my friend.
My Jayden - my reason for existing. My little man, who has always been empathetic and understanding beyond his years. Mama will always remember the times when I cried and you would point to my tears and say, "Oh no!". Then you would grab tissues and gently dab the tears from my eyes. I remember reading a children's book to you about another mommy that had cancer. When I read the part where the mommy lost all her hair, you stroked my bald head and padded my back and I was so comforted by you. It broke my heart when I had to stop breastfeeding due to my illness. You would whimper yourself asleep, cuddled in tightly next to me. And although you missed it so much, you understood and never asked for it. Even at the age of 2, you understood that even though mama was always sleeping or at the hospital, she still loved you very much. You never made a fuss and always understood when I was gone or just in need of rest. I am so grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for taking care of mama. As you already know, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey...". Mama loves you infinity.
My best friend, my husband:
Thanks to you, I was never alone in my battle. You were always there beside me, both physically and emotionally. You too, battled cancer. I will forever be grateful to you; the one who dragged my unconscious body to and from the hospital for infusions and hydration, the man that became an expert on breast cancer (and had all the physicians and nurses questioning if he was a doctor himself). Much of my memory of these dark days are fuzzy, however, looking in your eyes, I know that you remember every moment vividly. I know that my illness was hardest on you. I know that this was a pain that you wish so badly you could take away. My dear husband, I want you to know you were superman; working full time while taking care of me, still being the most amazing father to Jayden, and a loving son-in-law to my parents. You were the glue that held it all together. Thank you for always being supportive. Even during the times when I told you that I wanted to give up and quit treatment. You never pressured me or pushed me. You never said the words, "you have to". You would always looked into my eyes with understanding and said, "OK". It was this love and support that gave me strength to drag myself in for the next round. You were my strength on the days I felt weak. I will never forget the image of you sitting by my bedside in the dark hospital room (because the lights bothered my eyes). Every once in a while I would rouse out of unconsciousness just enough to be comforted by sight of your face, illuminated only by the glow of your laptop while you worked in complete silence and darkness for upwards of 12 hours in my tiny hospital room. Thinking of this always brings me to tears - you have shown me what love truly is and this will forever bond me to you. I love you.
My parents who put their wonderful retirement lives on hold to come live with us for 7 months in a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. They took care of the house, cooked meals, did housework, and watched Jayden so we could concentrate on doctor appointments, tests, and treatment. We were so grateful to have them. We could never have gotten through it without them. They showed us what the true meaning of family really was. We will forever be indebted to them.
My cousin Jeff, who provided constant love and support. Coming to visit, flying from the other side of the world not once but twice during my treatment. He rallied behind me and never had any doubt that I would get through it. Jeff was there when I needed him most. I will always love him like a brother.
My girlfriends from Canada (Joanna, Wendy, Shannon) - who sent the touching care package; with letters, words of encouragement, cards, artwork, gifts, home made cookies, and my most cherished necklace. They reminded me how loved I was, what I was fighting for and most importantly to never, never, never give up.
My extended family - who checked in constantly and those who sent money to help out with the cost of treatment (not necessary but truly appreciated). I know it was difficult for them being so far away but they were never far from our hearts.
Our friends, Adam and Erin, who always knew what to say or not what to say. One of the few friends we felt we could truly be ourselves around. Very special thanks to Erin, when she heard that I had my mastectomy surgery scheduled for Halloween and that I would miss my son's first trick-or-treating. She arranged for Halloween to come early for us by asking their neighbors (none of them who knew us) to host a private Halloween trick-or-treating just for us. That night will always be one of our most memorable. Not only were we able experience Jayden's first trick-or-treating but we were also able to leave behind our burdens. That night, we forgot about cancer and just enjoyed ourselves as a family. We were so touched by this gesture, such a testament to what great friends they are.
My whole team of support at Stanford Hospital and especially my oncologist, Ellie (Dr.G), who fought along side of me - my savior. Who we will always regard not only as a friend but as family.
The little boy at St.Jude's that lost his battle to cancer. His story touched me and changed my life. A little boy, (only a little older than Jay at the time) was battling brain cancer. His parents prayed for chemo-therapy (where I ungratefully disdained it). His parents were grateful for chemotherapy because it bought them more time from the inevitable. He was such a brave little boy, who could still find the beauty of life and brought happiness and light to those around him. Apparently the little boy passed away 6 months after they filmed the program. Both Chris and I cried so hard. If this little boy could endure his ordeal with such peacefulness and grace, I must be able to find the strength to endure my last round of chemo. This program couldn't have come at a better time. I was beaten down, ready to give up. This boy's story gave me new resolve to fight and to appreciate everyday.
My cancer sister, Fei-Fei. We met at the clinic, surrounded by patients our mother's age, we being young, were drawn to each other. We were both Chinese, born in the same year one month apart, she had a daughter the same age as Jayden. She was so sweet and kind. We would meet up at the hospital if we had clinic on the same days. She gave me a bear and a card to celebrate my last session of chemotherapy. It was nice to know someone going through something similar with similar backgrounds. She passed away November 2010. I cry for her daughter without a mother. It will be a constant reminder to hug my Jayden extra tight. Fei-Fei, I will miss you my friend.
My Jayden - my reason for existing. My little man, who has always been empathetic and understanding beyond his years. Mama will always remember the times when I cried and you would point to my tears and say, "Oh no!". Then you would grab tissues and gently dab the tears from my eyes. I remember reading a children's book to you about another mommy that had cancer. When I read the part where the mommy lost all her hair, you stroked my bald head and padded my back and I was so comforted by you. It broke my heart when I had to stop breastfeeding due to my illness. You would whimper yourself asleep, cuddled in tightly next to me. And although you missed it so much, you understood and never asked for it. Even at the age of 2, you understood that even though mama was always sleeping or at the hospital, she still loved you very much. You never made a fuss and always understood when I was gone or just in need of rest. I am so grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for taking care of mama. As you already know, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey...". Mama loves you infinity.
My best friend, my husband:
Thanks to you, I was never alone in my battle. You were always there beside me, both physically and emotionally. You too, battled cancer. I will forever be grateful to you; the one who dragged my unconscious body to and from the hospital for infusions and hydration, the man that became an expert on breast cancer (and had all the physicians and nurses questioning if he was a doctor himself). Much of my memory of these dark days are fuzzy, however, looking in your eyes, I know that you remember every moment vividly. I know that my illness was hardest on you. I know that this was a pain that you wish so badly you could take away. My dear husband, I want you to know you were superman; working full time while taking care of me, still being the most amazing father to Jayden, and a loving son-in-law to my parents. You were the glue that held it all together. Thank you for always being supportive. Even during the times when I told you that I wanted to give up and quit treatment. You never pressured me or pushed me. You never said the words, "you have to". You would always looked into my eyes with understanding and said, "OK". It was this love and support that gave me strength to drag myself in for the next round. You were my strength on the days I felt weak. I will never forget the image of you sitting by my bedside in the dark hospital room (because the lights bothered my eyes). Every once in a while I would rouse out of unconsciousness just enough to be comforted by sight of your face, illuminated only by the glow of your laptop while you worked in complete silence and darkness for upwards of 12 hours in my tiny hospital room. Thinking of this always brings me to tears - you have shown me what love truly is and this will forever bond me to you. I love you.
Moments before my first chemotherapy infusion
Ignorantly optimistic, I thought that perhaps I would be one of the lucky ones to keep my hair. On the morning of week 2 (after my first chemo session), it became painfully apparent that I would not be special and that I too, would lose my hair. I woke up with a funny feeling in my scalp (like goosebumps). I remember running my fingers through my hair and pulling out a handful. As the day progressed, the feeling in my scalp became more and more painful. It got difficult to even move my head, just the weight of the hair shifting was agony. By night fall, I was ready to shave it all off. Luckily, I had my whole family there for support (Chris, Jayden, Mom, Dad, and Jeff).
Cancer Warrior Hairstyle:
That was then. Looking back, it has been quite a journey. Thank you for everyone who were there for us - today I can officially say, we fought cancer and we won! No more treatment - I am a free! This is the first day of the rest of my life!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Jayden's Journal Entry
Tonight, as I was organizing Jayden's school work, I stumbled across his school journal and decided to give it a read. Here is one that I wanted to share:
My New Year Wish
"My New Year wish is I can get less privacy for doing my drawings. This is how I will do it. I will put a "Please Enter" sign on my door. Second, I will put arrows pointing at my door. And last, I will show my drawings to people I know. And that's how I am going to get less privacy."
Yes, you read it correctly, less privacy with a "Please Enter" sign! That is our sweet Jayden for you. He is always so sweet, loving, and kind. I know that this state will probably not last forever (I say "probably" - as a mother can always be hopeful). So I embrace every moment while I still can. I love our little man - our reason for being. We are smitten.
My New Year Wish
"My New Year wish is I can get less privacy for doing my drawings. This is how I will do it. I will put a "Please Enter" sign on my door. Second, I will put arrows pointing at my door. And last, I will show my drawings to people I know. And that's how I am going to get less privacy."
Yes, you read it correctly, less privacy with a "Please Enter" sign! That is our sweet Jayden for you. He is always so sweet, loving, and kind. I know that this state will probably not last forever (I say "probably" - as a mother can always be hopeful). So I embrace every moment while I still can. I love our little man - our reason for being. We are smitten.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Ski Week
Ski week - what a fantastic holiday. In the Marriott household, it is right up there with Christmas! This trip we headed up to Tahoe with 2 other families - the Chungs and the Yensons. We have been friends with these families since our kids attended preschool together. It was so nice to have a reunion with our favorite families in our favorite places.
Meet the Kiddos - Helen, Jayden, Curtis, Peyton:
The kids and adults all sign the log as proof we had found it.
Curtis getting air (love his cute little giggles)
Sledding blooper reel (makes me laugh everytime)
The things we do for our children - Go Nelson!
(He almost bites it at the end - just shows his dedication as a parent; fully vested)
Of course my "Big Kid" needed to try it out too:
Meet the Kiddos - Helen, Jayden, Curtis, Peyton:
Striking GQ pose - a la kid-style
We skied the first couple of days. On day 3, we decided to change it up a bit
(an adult excuse to rest our weary bones).
We skied the first couple of days. On day 3, we decided to change it up a bit
(an adult excuse to rest our weary bones).
A Geo-caching we will go
Anyone know the way?
Never fear, smart phones to the rescue!
(Don't know why, but this cracks me up)
(Don't know why, but this cracks me up)
Once we got our bearings, we were off to treasure hunt...trudging through the snowy forest, we came to a river that we had to cross. The parents surveyed the situation. The river was mostly iced over and covered with snow (the key word being mostly). There were patches of holes where you could see and hear the river stream running. So Chris blazed the trail, testing the ground, breaking through at some points and then altering his path - laying down branches as he went to act like a bridge for added support. Once the path was laid, we carefully shuttled the kids across with specific instructions of where to step and where not to step. Everyone got across without incident.
River Crossing
Once we reached the other side, we found the exact location of the GPS coordinates (plus or minus 6 meters). Did we mention we were also buried ankle deep in snow? For some reason, we forgot to factor in the snow when we decided to treasure hunt. So now, we were in the middle of nowhere with 4 very anxious kids and 4 even more anxious adults (we hyped up this treasure hunt so much we were scared the kids would riot if we left empty handed). At this moment I regretted not bringing a secret "back-up" treasure for the kids to find. Randomly digging in a 12 meter radius was starting to get old. Just then, I looked up and saw a huge tree stump. Being a seasoned Geo-Cacher - I followed my gut instinct and started digging around. Did I mention I have a terrible sense of direction and usually have trouble locating the phone in my purse, especially when it is ringing?
At that exact same time, Chris was able to get a hint for the Geo-cache - the word, "stump". With renewed and focused vigor we all dug around the holes and crevices of the stump. We dug around for a bit but realized that the treasure could be buried anywhere. We were just about to give up and head back, when I decided to give it one last try. I was kicking the snow with my boot to clear it away when suddenly - "thunk". I had kicked something. I started to clear the snow - and eureka, the top of a red ammunition box peeked out. I yelled out, "I found it! I found it!". I think I was just excited as the kids were. A few seconds I was being mauled by the kids vying for the best digging spot.
Geo-cache Booty
Thankfully, all the kids are mature enough to be convinced that they do not need to take any souvenirs from our "treasure" (A.K.A "junk"). I did make a mental note to myself to start our own Geo-cache so that I could also rid ourselves of junk from home that Jayden will not allow me to throw away. Instead of an ammo box, I will probably need a treasure chest or one of those pod storage containers. It crosses my mind that perhaps this was the true origin of the game? The brainchild of a creative parent whose child was a sentimental-hoarder?
The kids and adults all sign the log as proof we had found it.So, we crossed the river for the first time without incident. However, on the way back across, I, was not as lucky. Although Chris likes to claim that it was not the lack of luck but lack of listening and following instructions that was my demise. I liked to think that I sacrificed myself to provide a good example of what not to do for the children. Well, whatever it was -just call me Ms.Wetfoot : )
Once we were all across, some of us with wetter feet than others, it was time for a victory snow-ball fight celebration. Kids (yes, this includes Chris) against the adults. It was all great fun...until I cranked Peyton in the neck with a snow-ball. Oddly, he was not consoled by the fact I was actually aiming for Chris.
Once we got home, we took the kids tobogganing. We could not find a steep enough hill, so the parents acted as gravity, pulling the sleds down the hill (I was oddly reminded of the sport curling, using kids instead of rocks).
Curtis
Kids bonspiel action shot
Curtis getting air (love his cute little giggles)
Sledding blooper reel (makes me laugh everytime)
The things we do for our children - Go Nelson!
(He almost bites it at the end - just shows his dedication as a parent; fully vested)
Of course my "Big Kid" needed to try it out too:
After the kids curling, the adults invented more games: snow-bowling - with the kids acting as the pins and throwing snow-balling range (like a shooting range) with, you guessed it, our kids as the targets.
Great fun. Should be a contender for new Olympic sport. During one of the rounds, Chris hit Jayden in the groin with a snow-ball. Jayden doubles over and whimpers, "Ouch, my testicles, ohh, you hit me in the testicles"! Jayden's girl friend, Helen, exclaims with wide eyes and in a protective stance, "Don't hit me in the testicles!" We thought we'd pee ourselves laughing!
We had such a great time skiing with everyone and decided that this will be the first annual - with many more to come. All the kids did great. Jayden skied black runs for the first time (as did mama - woot!). Jayden's friend Helen skied with us, she may be a beginner but forget telling her that! She zoomed down the mountain in a streak of pink and had no trouble keeping up in speed - and she did it all in snow-plow stance (my legs are burning just thinking of it!).
This past week, Mother Nature was kind enough to lay down a fresh coat of powder in Tahoe. Maybe we need to make our annual trip into a bi-annual trip (...or even better bi-weekly). Shout out to our ski-homies, thanks for making our trip so much fun. Cannot wait to do it again!
Love this picture - good strategy!
Great fun. Should be a contender for new Olympic sport. During one of the rounds, Chris hit Jayden in the groin with a snow-ball. Jayden doubles over and whimpers, "Ouch, my testicles, ohh, you hit me in the testicles"! Jayden's girl friend, Helen, exclaims with wide eyes and in a protective stance, "Don't hit me in the testicles!" We thought we'd pee ourselves laughing!
We had such a great time skiing with everyone and decided that this will be the first annual - with many more to come. All the kids did great. Jayden skied black runs for the first time (as did mama - woot!). Jayden's friend Helen skied with us, she may be a beginner but forget telling her that! She zoomed down the mountain in a streak of pink and had no trouble keeping up in speed - and she did it all in snow-plow stance (my legs are burning just thinking of it!).
This past week, Mother Nature was kind enough to lay down a fresh coat of powder in Tahoe. Maybe we need to make our annual trip into a bi-annual trip (...or even better bi-weekly). Shout out to our ski-homies, thanks for making our trip so much fun. Cannot wait to do it again!
Chris, Judy, Irene, Nelson, and Warren
Who loves skiing?
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